honestly

honestly i feel so fucking fat and it makes me want to cry
honestly i cannot cry for some abnormal reason and that in itself fucking infuriates me
honestly i eat so fucking much shit that it makes me feel so guilty
honestly i can never stop thinking about what im going to eat next because im greedy
honestly i look in the mirror and all i see are inperfections
honestly i believe i'm ugly
honestly i'm ashamed to be in public because of how vile i am
honestly i feel like i dont even deserve anything i get
honestly i feel like a phoney when it comes to my eating disorder
honestly i am repulsed by my current weight
honestly i feel i've never been skinny
honestly i hate how out of control i am
honestly i think you hate me because of how fat and ugly i look
honestly it infuriates me how obsessive i am
honestly i am not okay, i put on a pretty good mask that i convince myself i'm ok 
honestly i just wish that you could accept all my faults and get to know me because i feel like i need you in my life to help me get past these
honestly i feel so so alone right now and it fucking sucks.