Ironic

I am constantly feeling alone, even when I'm surrounded by millions of people. 

I am so so scared of being alone in the future.

I hate feeling alone and sometimes the feeling is just there in the background like an annoying buzz, then sometimes it's so consuming and fills my head like a fog horn, everything and anything that I think of just reminds me of how alone I am (supports the fog horn theory).

Sometimes my solution is to distract myself in either my college work, or speaking to my family/friends, or watching a film/reading a book. All of those things seem like logical solutions, yet I rarely use them.

My other solution which I normally resort to, is wanting to be left completely alone, withdraw myself from everyone and everything where possible, and just relive all of the horrible thoughts screaming at me in my head whilst lying in the dark (if I'm not busy at college/work), or try to avoid conversation and eye contact (if I'm busy at college or work or I'm with friends).

Right now I'm laid down in bed, in th dark just wanting/waiting for my thoughts to suffocate me until I fall asleep.