Control...

Yet another attempt at trying to relinquish control over my life.

-I have made a timetable of each day, fitting in revision, work, driving lessons, food and of course lie-ins.

I'm back and forth at the moment with regards to if i want to relapse or i want to recover. I've come to the conclusion that I want to be in control of myself, i don't want FOOD to be in control of me, because food makes me feel guilty fat ugly greedy and to be honest i punish myself with food. I'm not saying i don't enjoy food because i do, its just the aftermath of whenever i feel 'too full' or when i have binged.

So my proposed plan?
I hate to so it but ive made a meal plan with six meals included each day (i never thought i'd go back to that again, feels like im back in inpatient apart from i'm 2.5st heavier).

I hate binging and i hate being this fat, but the thing i hate most is not being in control, so i'm trying to take control of my own life as best as i can. Yes i still am fat and ugly and i hate myself, yes i have a love hate relationship with food, but i need to do this so that i can help others who are struggling.

This is going to be really hard, but i guess its worth a shot right?

P.S here's an example of a meal plan that i'd be having in 1 day - it sounds like a lot but to be honest i probably get through more calories whilst binging and purging so its definitely a better idea.

Breakfast- 2 weetabix with s/s milk and 200ml fruit juice
Morning snack- apple
Lunch- Humus sandwich and a fruit yoghurt
Afternoon snack- grapes/cereal bar
Tea- Spag bol
Night snack- Cup of tea with either a small form of chocolate or 2/3 biscuits.

All together that is probably 1600 calories which isnt too much to say that the recomended daily allowance is 1800-2000 calories a day. Lets just hope i can stick to it!!!

Wish me luck.