My sister is back home and it's killing me because I'm not able to be sick anymore coz she's ALWAYS FUCKING BY THE BATHROOM! I know it should be a good thing but that's my only control, I have no control of my food intake because I'm greedy and fat and don't say no, so my only way of making sure I didn't gain weight was by being sick.
I'm not proud of it, I wish more than anything I could eat little In moderation and not have to make myself sick but I'm not that strong ATM to be battling against my thoughts. I'm not struggling, I'm just fed up and scared .. So so scared of gaining more weight.
My focus ATM should be on revising, but I can't focus on it because all my thoughts are about food. I hate that the past 6 years my life has revolved around my food, my weight, how I look.
No I'm not struggling, I'm just fat and greedy and ugly and disgusting and I'm not doing anything about it to change.
I'm meant to be going on holiday with my friend and I need to lose weight in order to feel ok going on that holiday. Oh lord please can someone make my world not revolve around fucking food anymore.
Fed up, fat greedy and ugly... Oh please someone fix me.
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