Sigh

Yet again i don't have a fucking clue about my life.
I am not consistent at all! My mood literally changes drastically in 1 second.. I don't know if that's because of my medicines or not as I've missed my medicines. I think I'm slowly accepting that I need medicine to survive.
Looking back on my ed, I've come so far yet not far at all... I'll explain. I don't restrict anymore and I don't always count calories (which is a big achievement as I couldn't survive without counting every single calorie) I can eat out in public more (even though I still have high anxiety and mainly end up purging what I've had). However it is basically not much better as I hate my body and want to lose weight desperately, I binge and purge so often and I purge still even when I haven't binged. People do not think Ill because I'm a healthy weight. I also have anxiety which is not very nice and still have depression.
I've accepted that I'm probably going to be alone forever or that I'm just going to be treat pooey like I always have been by boys. I get far too attached to them which isn't good because I end up still caring for them and running back to them when I really shouldn't. I'm trying to just remember I have really good friends ATM and I shouldn't be focusing on not having someone. It would just be nice to have someone who likes me for me even though I don't like myself at all and someone who would treat me nicely and care for me. Sigh. If I stop looking maybe I'll find someone? If not I'll just cuddle my doggies because I know they love me .

Bla bla bla this post is pointless and repetitive as all my posts at but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to tell this stuff so I just vent on here and feel slightly relieved to get it off of my chest.

Hope you're having a lovely summer xxxxx