Life's very confusing. I was for weeks in a bad BAD spell of bulimia but i think im getting out of that cycle slowly, i mean i havent purged a lot these past few days which is really good- but i weighed myself and i wanted to cry. I'm so afraid of asking for help because i know they'd laugh at me and be like you're too fat to have an eating disorder. I dont know if i want help or not, i just want to be skinny again.
I found out from my mum that i was nearly put back into inpatient unit 4 times after i was discharged from the priory.. WHY DIDN'T I FUCKING GO BACK IN AND GET THIS SHIT SORTED! If i could turn back time then i would of gone back inpatient because it might of sorted me out and not left me in limbo land like i am now. *sigh*
this literally describes how i am feeling.In other news, the person who caused a lot of upset in my life came back in contact with me and apologized. I think his apologies were actually sincere but i didn't accept him back into my life because i always end up so upset when things didn't work out between us and i cant put myself through it again. Plus he did get like 3 chances from me and fucked them all up and i can't keep offering him chances. It just sucks because i wish things had never gone wrong the first time. I still really care about him but i have to move on with my own life.
I just never have any luck with boys hahahaha. Ill just be forever forcing my dogs to cuddle me because i get no one else to cuddle. I wish i did have someone because it'd be nice to just know you have someone there who cares about you and likes you and wants to be a part of your life for the good and bad! But i don't expect that to happen to me any time soon.
I'm just going to go to sleep as i normally do because that's the only solution to my problems!
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