Just had a breakdown (well an hour solid of crying and worrying)
I've realised most people in my life who I've trusted have betrayed me or abandoned me, which made me realise you can hardly fucking trust anyone, your all on your own and realising that for me was shit scary.
Also, I'm lost as a person, idk who "Hayley Mellor" is anymore, I don't think I've ever actually known. I used to be Hayley the anorexic but I still don't even think i was ever that. Now I'm Hayley the recovering anorexic.. Most people think I'm cured which most days i do also, but deep down I know I'm not, I still am obsessed with food and my appearance and am still desiring to be emaciated. So I'm not ill and I'm not recovered - I'm somewhere in between- this frightens me deeply because for the last 4 years all I've ever aspired for is to be the illest and I'm certainly most not that and if I couldn't be the illest then I wanted to be free of horrible thoughts and I certainly aren't free of them.
Basically I'm a girl called Hayley Mellor, I don't know who the girl is yet but I know she's lost, deeply confused, feels alone and is actually secretly very scared. And how can anyone accept me if I don't even know who I am ?
You are a person of worth. You mean so much to so many people. Sometimes we lose track of the beauty of life itself. Even with all our messed up issues, we are still beautiful. We are creations of Divine providence. You will survive, you are strong. Be brave and know people care.
ReplyDeleteHi there! I'd like to invite you to my blog connected with fight against eating disorders, cause i think we shouldn't be silent about that. Of course you can find here also mode, make-up, opinions, advices, photos, daily stories, healthy recipes etc. You can trust me you will find something you will like.If you'll like it really much, you can become my new follower. Hope to visit me soon. Have a very nice time. Andie :)*
ReplyDeletewww.andie-chambers.blogspot.cz