Nothing

I've learnt that my paranoia is always correct. I meant nothing to him, never have meant anything, never will. I was just a girl who got her hopes up and they have come crashing down (like always). It sucks knowing that I'm worthless and mean nothing to anyone. I'm going to have to learn to not trust people anymore because my hopes always come crashing down. Fuck!

Merry Christmas

Hope you all had a fabulous Christmas! Mine was okay, got fantastic presents which made my day.. Even did good with food until my grandad said a comment about me eating quickly which made me feel guilty and put me in a shit mood. But o well :/ my heart goes out to everyone who has a mental illness and is struggling with today, and all those In hospital who aren't enjoying Christmas at home or with family. Stay strong beautifuls, I love you all xxxxxxxxxx

blargh

i cannot tell if i'm feeling better, or if im distracting myself.
Im scared my emotions and thoughts will all come rushing back once i actually have a crack in my schedule. I do feel worthless, useless, fat, ugly, disgusting, not good enough, waste of space ect ect.. but i arent acting upon them, like im wanting to cut and be sick ect ect but im just stopping myself which is really weird. I try and trigger myself because i want to be skinny, but im just like so greedy and like cannot be arsed counting calories, exercising more, being sick, all the hurt it would bring my family kind of stops me ( or maybe im just and never was ill enough ). I dont want to be fat forever, i actually want to achieve being skinny, even if that means going back into hospital in my adult life.
bleaurghhhhhhhhhhh i wish i was ill i wish i was ill i wish i was ill - yes i know this is a horrible thing to wish for but it was my comfort blanket being ill and its hard without it.

idk

I just dont know anything anymore. Dont know whether im happy or sad, where I stand with people, whether to trust them or not, whether to give up trying .. I just do not know!

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..

I want to cut I want to cut I want to cut I want to cut but I fucking can't! :'(
Im not good enough, fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly worthless worthless worthless worthless useless useless

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bleaurgh

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

I just want to help fix you and make you happy, like you make me feel happier.

alone

I am alone with my thoughts. I am alone as I dont know who to trust and have no friends, I will always be alone.. Forever.
Alone isnt a nice feeling :(

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