I can feel it. I'm slipping back to bulimia... This deeply frightens me and was not my intentions at all! I wanted to slip back to anorexia not fucking bulimia. But I've already gotten back into the cycle of allowing myself to eat extras and then having to purge the extras, or purge when I feel too full.
It's strange and horrible cycle. I want to be skinny so badly but I give Into temptation (food) and end up either binging on it and then purging it; I panic when I'm hungry and eat ( which brings back all the feelings of losing control and self hatred ), but when I'm too full I purge. It's like a never ending cycle.
I want my control and will power back, to be counting calories and not going over a limit, to be eating healthy foods, to not crave and desire fatty foods, to even be scared of food, to be wanting to burn off every single calorie I've burnt off. I know I sound fucking selfish wanting back such a horrible illness but its the only time I feel content and in control.
I'm trying to increase my exercise but I just keep binging more, I need to get this sorted. My aim for march is to not binge and purge. Aim high, shoot for the stars.... Wish me luck, ill need it.
