So these past few months i have been tossing it off with no school (WAHOO). I havent really met any of my goals that i set myself to do this summer.
I told myself i was going to...
-Work extra hours (i did that)
-Read at least 5 books (i did not do that)
-Recover from bulimia (i did not do that)
-Go to the gym every day from monday-friday (i did not do that)
-Lose weight, healthily - but tbh i didnt care i just wanted the weight off of me (i did not do that)
-Learn my driving theory so i could take my test in september (i half did that)
-Go shopping to get a new college wardrobe (i did that)
-Save up to £2000 so that i can afford driving lessons (i did that)
so out of 8 goals, i only succeded with 3.5/8 of them... PREEEEEEEEDY SHIT.
I got my GCSE Results, they're.. okay i guess. Tbh i was expecting the results i got but deep down i really hoped i had got better.
I wanted to get...
-English A/A*
-English Lit A
-Maths A
-Biology A
-Chemistry B
-Physics B
-R.e A
-Media Distinction*
-Sport Distinction
-ICT Distinction
But i only got......
-English B
-English Lit B
-Maths B ( ONLY 1 MARK OFF OF AN A... SO ANNOYING EURGH!)
-Biology- A (Yay!)
-Chemistry B
-Physics B
-R.e B
-Media Distinction * (Yay!)
-Sport Merit
-ICT Pass
ANYWAY, i dont know why i'm complaining because i still got enough to get into Greenhead, yes thats right, GREENHEAD!! More like greenhell haha. I like it there like i think they have lots of things in place to support you which is fabulous, i know where all my lessons are etc but im just really extremely nervous and anxious all of the time. I am so scared that i am going to fail all of my courses and if i do that then my career is down the drain. Also i am scared i am not going to make any friends, i simply CANNOT start conversation - its too scary - but if someone else starts a conversation with me im fine, weird i know. I dont want people to think i'm rude because im not starting conversation when i really dont mean to be its just because i have no confidence to start a conversation. EURGH. Also, i was kinda secretely hoping i'd meet a boy and end up with either a good friendship or a relationship but now all i think about is how fat i look and how repulsed people are by me, and how ugly i look and how my hair is horrible, i have an ugly face, i wear horrible clothes, my name is ugly, im boring etc etc.
GOD DAMMIT MIND GIVE ME A REST! haha.
plus im so scared about eating in front of these new people. i mean i can eat in front of my friends from my high school but i just really dont want to eat in front of new people because theyll think im greedy etc. but then i dont want to eat at all in college but my high school friends will question why and tell my mum. i want to lose weight but i have to quit the gym because i have so much going on and like no time to go to the gym, so that makes me feel like a failure and i dont want to put any more weight on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ok rant over. to sum up, i havent done fuck all all summer, i now have shit loads to do and its making me anxious. also i cannot make friends and i will be the loner of green head.
goodbye.
