PROS-
*The guy who has caused me so much grief and upset i think is finally out of my life! ive just realised that even though i dont think im worth much, that i know that i deserve better than that and tbh even when i was hooking up with him or speaking to him.. i wasnt happy and i didnt trust him so what was the point of even staying in contact. I mean i still care for him and wish him happiness,i just dont want him in my life anymore.
*I've made a new friend who is lovely jubbly and thats very exciting and new to me!
*Im starting a new college and a new job which hopefully is a better choice than staying at gh because i hated it there.
CONS-
*Im fucking huge.. i mean huge, i feel so uncomfortable in my own skin and i just want to be back to like 10kg less than i am now, i would look so much better and feel so much better but im too fucking lazy and greedy to actually lose the weight.
*I'm stuck in quite bad binge purge cycles at the moment which is embaressing for me to admit to anyone but yeah i feel quite stuck
*I dont like my part time job i have atm anymore, ive been there 2 and a half years and im just fed up of the shitty customers and to be honest i dont fit in with any of the members of staff there.. the only way to describe it is like they're all the 'popular cool kids' who are all up to date and know eachother and go out all the time etc, then theres me the 'lame dorky fat weirdo' who doesnt have a lot of friends, knows no one and doesnt really have a social life.
So im pretty stuck between all these sorts of feelings- as per usual haha.
Sunday 31 August 2014
Saturday 9 August 2014
Sigh
Yet again i don't have a fucking clue about my life.
I am not consistent at all! My mood literally changes drastically in 1 second.. I don't know if that's because of my medicines or not as I've missed my medicines. I think I'm slowly accepting that I need medicine to survive.
Looking back on my ed, I've come so far yet not far at all... I'll explain. I don't restrict anymore and I don't always count calories (which is a big achievement as I couldn't survive without counting every single calorie) I can eat out in public more (even though I still have high anxiety and mainly end up purging what I've had). However it is basically not much better as I hate my body and want to lose weight desperately, I binge and purge so often and I purge still even when I haven't binged. People do not think Ill because I'm a healthy weight. I also have anxiety which is not very nice and still have depression.
I've accepted that I'm probably going to be alone forever or that I'm just going to be treat pooey like I always have been by boys. I get far too attached to them which isn't good because I end up still caring for them and running back to them when I really shouldn't. I'm trying to just remember I have really good friends ATM and I shouldn't be focusing on not having someone. It would just be nice to have someone who likes me for me even though I don't like myself at all and someone who would treat me nicely and care for me. Sigh. If I stop looking maybe I'll find someone? If not I'll just cuddle my doggies because I know they love me .
Bla bla bla this post is pointless and repetitive as all my posts at but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to tell this stuff so I just vent on here and feel slightly relieved to get it off of my chest.
Hope you're having a lovely summer xxxxx
I am not consistent at all! My mood literally changes drastically in 1 second.. I don't know if that's because of my medicines or not as I've missed my medicines. I think I'm slowly accepting that I need medicine to survive.
Looking back on my ed, I've come so far yet not far at all... I'll explain. I don't restrict anymore and I don't always count calories (which is a big achievement as I couldn't survive without counting every single calorie) I can eat out in public more (even though I still have high anxiety and mainly end up purging what I've had). However it is basically not much better as I hate my body and want to lose weight desperately, I binge and purge so often and I purge still even when I haven't binged. People do not think Ill because I'm a healthy weight. I also have anxiety which is not very nice and still have depression.
I've accepted that I'm probably going to be alone forever or that I'm just going to be treat pooey like I always have been by boys. I get far too attached to them which isn't good because I end up still caring for them and running back to them when I really shouldn't. I'm trying to just remember I have really good friends ATM and I shouldn't be focusing on not having someone. It would just be nice to have someone who likes me for me even though I don't like myself at all and someone who would treat me nicely and care for me. Sigh. If I stop looking maybe I'll find someone? If not I'll just cuddle my doggies because I know they love me .
Bla bla bla this post is pointless and repetitive as all my posts at but sometimes I feel like I don't have anyone to tell this stuff so I just vent on here and feel slightly relieved to get it off of my chest.
Hope you're having a lovely summer xxxxx
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