Life is shit

Im in a pit of depression again.
I'm fat, i've gained all the weight i lost again. I seem to constantly eat, and its not good food i'm eating, its complete shit that i'm eating. I feel out of control in my food sense, and my whole life.

I'm pretty certain i'm doing shit in college, i just don't have the motivation to start doing my work so i leave it last minute and then panic. I'm doing shit at signing, i just have lost my skill and i'm panicking that i'm losing my ability to sign and that i'm going to waste all this money because i'm going to fail my level 6 course. I'm a dissapointment to every one and i'm going to let everyone down.

My mind is a total fucking dark place to be. Being ignored for 2 weeks without any reasoning, just randomly stopped talking to me has totally fucked with my head. Have i done anything wrong? Have you lost interest? Why are you not speaking with me? Are you seeing someone else? I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO. I hate being ignored, my brain cannot function with it. Being ignored makes you realize how much a person means to you. I hope to god he has a legitimate reason for why he's ignoring me because i cannot think of anything going wrong the last time i saw him.

I hate myself, i don't want to leave my bedroom, i just want to lay in the darkness and let it smother me. I hate going to college, i don't want to go out with my friends even though i love them to pieces, i just really hate facing the rest of the world. I have to put a brave face on for everyone else so that i seem happy. Yes i do laugh and smile sometimes but inside i feel like utter shit. I need the biggest hug going but i need to be left COMPLETELY alone.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Help.